going back

I am travelling to Blantyre on Friday this week. I ma not sure what I feel. There is so much to look forward to but it's a different adventure without the doc and the kids and it's 2 years ago that we came home so things will have changed. A lot of our friends who had been in Malawi for years have moved back to the UK but the list of social engagements is long!

I am going for work, to help with a science exhibition that I worked on while we lived in Blantyre and I am going back to the National Museum to help with some evaluation work on another project. There is so much to do before I go, the doc needs lists and spreadsheets for childcare and kids' parties, hopefully he will manage all the domestic stuff too. He will be based at home doing research rather than being an NHS consultant.

looking back

Some weeks I don't think about Africa and other weeks there are lots of reminders. I was looking at my leaving book this week, with comments from friends as we left Malawi. At the time I often felt that I didn't really know what I was doing there but looking back it's good to know that our home was used by so many friends and people knew that they could drop in for coffee (or gin) and a chat. Here in Cheshire I have a job and family life but still wonder what I'm doing and if this is where I'll be for life or if there will be time for travelling again.

one year on

One year back in the UK and we are planning the next move. Not back to Africa but into the depths of rural Cheshire. We will be taking a lot more stuff, although we are trying to rationalise as we get ready for the move and we will be travelling a much shorter distance. 

We are hoping to move into a house in Farndon, which is where my office is based. It's a proper grown up house with space for bigger children and a real garden and triple garage! The doc is continuing with his research but has taken a real consultant job at Shrewsbury which starts after Easter. The move will be unsettling. For me and the girls it means starting again in the playground and at the school gate, making friends. It took me a long time to feel comfortable at the school gate I hope that the girls are more adaptable. 

long evenings

I didn't expect to notice the cold this much. It is so cold, the rain is ok but the cold is surprising. 

It's been a few years since we were in the UK for winter. I enjoyed the long summer evenings and felt like I could do lots of things, I played sport and caught up with friends, we snuck in evening strolls with the kids before bedtime and sat outside. Now it's dark when the girls finish school and I get up in the dark. We find that we don't get much done during the winter evenings and although we don't have a television we spend time watching things online. 

harvest

This morning we celebrated Harvest Thanksgiving service at church. It was a lovely proper autumn day, crisp and cold. I do notice the seasons and found life in Africa didn't have the rhythm of the seasons that I am familiar with. The hot season and the rains came but they were very unpredictable, which wreaked havoc with the maize crop because the planting of the crop had to be timed so that the plants would be big enough to withstand the rain and grow. So often people planted and the rains came too late. 

africa and the doctor

So the doc is back in Africa, while the rest of us are at home. 

He has gone to Ghana for almost 3 weeks on a teaching programme. He will be teaching and working with other haematologists and doctors. He is also meeting people and talking abut future research projects. 

It feels like he is such a long way away and I know that culturally his week will be so different to ours. Me and the girls are carrying on normal life while he is seeing new things and being in a different way of life. Of course I would love to be with him, experiencing a new country but part of me is glad not to be doing all that with the whole family and the worry that goes with it. 

I do not enjoy solo parenting. There is a novelty to having the house to myself and getting on in the evening but it is a novelty that is short-lived and does not compensate for having all the responsibility. 

not left

We might have left Africa but it has not left me. I always thought that I might leave a part of me behind or maybe I've brought a part of it with me. 

I take every opportunity to talk about it, I hear about it in the news and I would jump at the opportunity to visit. Friends we left behind continue without us while life here carries on at full tilt, making it difficult to savour the experiences of life. 

When I left I said that I would be sad if I never returned. 

In Malawi I struggled to find a purpose and definition for my life but knew that I was supporting the doc who was doing his thing. He had a purpose and we could see the difference that he was making, to his individual patients and through his research to others who would follow. How do we make a decision about where to be, it's not about what's easier or better, because they are subjective. Is it about our contribution?